No Left Turn

(below is an unedited piece from MY Doppelganger, the sequel to the Secret Beast)


“Who’s wings?” I asked as I reached to the top shelf of the hot plate in the kitchen.

“Downstairs” said Carba who was expediting food orders.

“I’ll run ‘em” I said.

I grabbed the basket of wings, exited the kitchen, cut thru the dining room then thru the open front entrance of Paradise Grill restaurant that led to the outdoor stairway that landed in the parking lot.

I ran down the wooden stairway wearing my black sweaty logo’d work polo shirt and black pants into the warm Maui air with chicken wings in hand.

As I got to the bottom of the stairs I paused for a moment to inhale some of the fresh burning da kine that at times, floated magically thru the air of our parking lot. Then I took a hard right and like Peter fucking Pan in a servers apron, I skipped down another set of stairs that re-entered the building’s open basement into Mello’s Bar, extended my right arm across the backs of a pack of customers and reached out balancing on one leg and said “here’s your wings” as I handed them to the bartender.

She was hot.

Of course I knew who was working the downstairs bar that night. I also knew that I was going to get a work out running food downstairs just for the joy of delivering food to her and then hearing her say “thank you!”


“What about Stefanie for bar manager?” asked the voice thru my phone.

“Huh?….” I said.

I temporarily returned to the Seattle area after leaving Lubbock, Texas where I was helping on the remodel of the historic Gardskis restaurant. I was talking to my friend Damin who was not only the general contractor for the remodel but also the potential general manager for the restaurant when it reopens.

While I was in Seattle, he was in Lubbock waiting for permits to repair unforseen structural damage that was discovered during the demolition phase of the old building on Broadway street. Once he got the permits I planned on returning to Lubbock to help finish the project.

Damin was going thru the rolodex in his mind thinking of bartenders that he had worked with in the past. He was a manager at Paradise Grill in Maui where I had worked. He was now playing with ideas and building a potential bar staff for Gardskis.

“How are you gonna get her to come to Texas?” I asked.

“She now lives and is bartending in Whitefish, Montana” he answered.

“Really?…well it looks like I’ll be driving thru Montana when I come back down!” I laughed.

A couple weeks later I got the call to return to Texas as the engineering had been completed and permits had been issued to continue construction.

The decision to leave Seattle was very difficult. For the first time in 4 years, I was living in the same geographic area as all 3 of my kids. While I was living in the Bay Area, Maui, Nashville, Lubbock… my kids were in Portland, Montreal, Billings MT, Wyoming, Big Spring TX, San Bernadino…but now we were all living in the northwest at the same time.

And now I was thinking of leaving?

I really felt strong about staying in the Seattle area…spending holidays, birthdays etc. with my kids, nieces, nephews, brothers, mom etc…and…I had been piecing together the music and chapters of My Doppleganger…it’s a book, a blog, a movie, a reality tv show…a project I am completely engulfed in and I felt all the cooperative components were starting to fall perfectly into place.

But learning how to be and working as a bartender in a Big 12 college town in Texas with great friends certainly had my attention. What a once in a lifetime experience that could be.

I could also drive through Montana.

After changing my mind several times…I decided to head back to Texas.

I left Sunday morning on Labor Day weekend and drove east on I-90.

As I was driving through eastern Washington I was not completely satisfied with my decision to go back to Texas but tried to focus on all the positive aspects of my choice. One being that in 500 miles I would be in Montana and may have an opportunity to order a beer from an old co-worker…a beautiful one at that.

I googled Whitefish to see where it was on my route.

Once I learned Whitefish was 2 ½ hours north of I-90…making it an extra 5 hours off my path…I was not quite sure if I would be stopping there.

“Hmmm…is there a woman on the planet that is worth driving 5 hours out of my way to order a beer from?” I thought.

“Hmmm…running wings is one thing but a road trip into the mountians to see a woman? …who doesn’t have any idea that I may be coming to say hi? …where will I stay?”..I continued thinking…”well, I don’t have to decide right now…”

By the time I got to Idaho I knew I had only a couple hours left until I had to decide to head north to Whitefish or continue on towards Texas.

“I need a sign” I thought.

Within minutes I received inspiration to login onto Facebook as I was driving.

The post at the top of the page was a photo posted by Stef from the bar she worked at in Whitefish. It was a photo taken from the night before…Saturday night, of good times at Crush.

“Huh” I thought. The sign to head north to a bar called Crush was just a little obvious.

“But Crush?…really?” I can’t say I had a crush going on but the excitement and thrill of road trippin into the completely unknown to have a beer served by an old co-worker from Maui consumed me…especially as I would be driving into the Montana mountains on my way to Texas to work with yet another old co-worker from Maui.

It is an amazing feeling to watch the dots connect in full color as dreams unfold. My dots are the people, places and experiences. What connects the dots is an energy stream of like frequency.

As I headed north to Whitefish, the rush of energy that flowed thru my body and my headphones while listening to Blackmill confirmed that I had made the right choice.

I arrived in Whitefish around 5:30 pm. It was Sunday night and plenty of tourists were walking the streets… filling the restaurants, breweries and after taking clues from the neon No Vacancy signs…the hotels.

The town looked like a fun place to hang out for an evening so I stopped at the first hotel that I could find that had an illuminated Vacancy sign.

“$180.00 a night?”…I thought that if I had a beautiful woman to share it with it would be worth it…but not solo…I could just crash in my car for a few hours, drink a Red Bull and continue to Texas.

I looked up the address to Crush. It was downtown with no overnight parking in the immediate area. After sleeping in the front seat of my car in downtown Austin last year, following a night of bar crawling on 6th Street, then waking up to a parking ticket on my windshield, I now check for things as these whenever I enter a new town.

I found a suitable parking spot a few blocks away and walked to Crush.

The hours listed on their front door said they open at 8:00pm on Sunday nights. It was about 6:30 pm, so I decided to visit the other breweries and bars for a couple hours.

I thought about waiting right outside their door at 8:00 pm when they opened but then thought… “No…that would be weird…who would drive all day, in the wrong direction, to randomly drop into a bar with a smokin hot bartender, who I don’t really know all that well, don’t even know if she’s working, just to order a beer and say hi, for absolutley no reason and making no sense at all, unannounced, uninvited, inspired by Facebook and hot wings, …and then be waiting outside when they opened?…Not me. I waited till 8:30…like I just happened to be non-chalantly walking by.

The front door to Crush was locked. It didn’t open. The bar was closed.

After watching a few other potential guests tug on the locked door, I lowered my head, turned and walked away. I didn’t really lower my head…actually…I was kind of relieved.

“Oh well, that was fun” I thought as I began walking to my car.

I felt kind of proud of myself for trusting my gut and taking myself on one helluva ride all day. The rush was totally worth it. I also felt that in time… that something, some person, some event would be manifesting to give me more clarity…clarity on both why I was in Whitefish and why am I not convinced that going to Texas is the best path? How exciting…life at it’s best.

I decided that I would sleep a few hours in my car then head to Texas.

As I sat in my car I thought I should at least contact her and tell here I was in town and that I tried to say hi. I sent her message on FB Messenger mentioning I was on my way to Texas and stopped by to say hi then fell asleep around 9:00 pm.

I woke up and looked at the clock on my phone. It was a little after 1:00 am. I also saw a green blinking notification light on the phone.

Groggy, still semi-buzzed, I then opened the message…which ironically had just been sent.

The message was from Stef and it had exclamation points. Phew.

As I continued to read the message I became more and more awake. She said the bar was closed to the public as Crush hosted a private party which started shortly after I was there. She asked if I was still in town and if so, stop by the bar for a beer while she closes.

And…if I was going to be in town tomorrow, I was invited to go to the summit with her and her friends.

I jumped out of my car, took my gallon jug of water and dumped it over my head…to really make sure I wasn’t dreaming and rearrange my bedhead that was getting rather long. I messaged back saying I’d be right there.

As I walked to the bar, I noticed all these drunk people walking past me in the opposite direction as the bars were closing.

“That’s funny” I thought. “All these people are going home from the bars and I’m just waking up and going to a bar…this is the craziest thing ever.”

I walked into the club as a few of the last guests were leaving. I saw a Dj breaking down equipment and two other male bartenders closing down the venue.

There she was…behind the bar…

“Dear Jeff…always always always trust your gut” I thought as she gave me a very warm welcome with her hug.

The first thing she asked me was “where are you staying?”

If there is any value of this chapter it is this: If a woman ever asks me “where are you staying?” again in my life?… I will respond the exact way I did in that moment.

“Uh…” I said as I shrugged my shoulders.

I didn’t want to tell her I was sleeping in my car…AND, I didn’t want to lie to her and tell her I was staying at a hotel…AND, I certainly didn’t want to say “with you”…nope, that is a lie… I DID want to say “with you!”

But I wasn’t even fully awake yet…I could HAVE been dreaming. Couldn’t we have a couple beers before we get to this part?

As I searched for an answer she said “you can sleep on my couch!”

‘Thank you!” I said.

I had know idea where this was going but I sure liked it.

As I sat at her bar we had a few IPA’s and re-visited old times in Maui and the new times in Whitefish with her new co-workers while they continued to close.

While I sat there I thought of how cool everything turned out. And the more we talked, the more I realized I was talking to an old friend…a precious friend.

If you had told me 4 years ago, where the book The Secret Beast ends, that I would be on my way to Texas stopping at a bar in Whitefish, Montana at 2:30 am drinking beer with a girl who was a bartender at a restaurant that I was a server at on an island in the South Pacific at some point in between?

I would have said “She must have a nice ass.”

And there it is. I had never seen Stef in jeans before. Always shorts in Maui…and she has the most killer legs ever…ever. Jeans worked for her as well…very well. What a treat this was. Really.

I love the universe so much.

Jiles met us at her apartment. Jiles is her dog that she had in Maui…he always cruised in and out of the restaurant/bar as he pleased. Jiles was kind enough to let me sit on the couch as Stef and I had a few drinks and talked until the early morning hours.

I am not sure that I have ever had a conversation with a woman so fun, full filling and interesting in my life. My perception of her being a bartender, a mother, a traveler, having awareness of self, an awareness of energy, an appreciation for nature…. resonated more and more with me as we talked.

Conversation flowed. We talked about writing as I learned she is a writer. We inspired each other.

The more we talked the more appreciation I had for her…sure she’s gorgeous, but what a friend I felt I had discovered.

Then as our rendezvous was approaching closing time she said “Excuse me, I’m gonna jump in the shower and get ready for bed.”

She returns from the bathroom wearing shorts.

“Are you serious!” I thought.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

Just as I was thinking of how this worked out so cool…me… not looking for a girlfriend, or a lover or not even looking for sex…well not really the latter…but as I was basking in my new found friendship…she breaks out dem legs. Not just any legs…the finest in the islands.

“Fuck you Jiles”… I thought as I looked at her dog in the eyes while he’s thinking “you ain’t got a shot pal.”

“I can see that jackass” I said as I dog whispered back to him.

I woke up on the couch semi hungover around 9:00 am. I had to use the bathroom.

As I stumbled from the couch towards the bathroom, I passed a door, in a short hallway that was open on my left. Not knowing exactly where I was, I looked into the room and realized it was not the bathroom…instead, it was Stef’s room.

“Omg…wrong room…it’s her…damn near half naked on her bed!”

I quickly turned, found the bathroom and went back to the couch.

I tossed and turned…I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about were those legs on the left in the hallway.

Then…I had to go to the bathroom again.

I know.

Just hours before, driving to Whitefish was just a thought and now this?!

“Okay dude…just walk straight to the bathroom…do not look left” I thought.

But I thought again…

“Well maybe I’m supposed to take a left?”

“Are you insane!

“Well, I’m just saying…maybe she wants to cuddle?”

She’ll KILL YOU!”

“Come on man, go for it” I continued thinking to myself…

“Don’t be an idiot”…

“Where’s your confidence bro?”


My wiser, inner being eventually prevailed as I have lived to write about it. It was an easy decision…my gut said not to take a left and to continue on the path of least resistance.

I said goodbye to my friend and left for Texas that morning completely refreshed, eager and excited for what comes next.

Stef had given me the best words ever during our talk…words that I have read  before but words never delivered to me in person. If I am out of alignment and think of these words my vibration and perception instantly shift to a feeling of ease.

The right person at the right time…

I received the clarity I was hoping to find in Whitefish…just wasn’t expecting it to be delivered with such fun and beauty.

my sticker…


(above is an unedited piece from MY Doppelganger, the sequel to the Secret Beast)


Taking the high road

The thunder storms have passed and the warm west Texas sun dominates the sky…its kind of humid…when usually the air is dry. Everybody here embraces the rain and the abundance that has come the past few weeks, is breaking records.

The wind chimes on our patio tell me there is a mellow breeze while I try to decide whether to write about this amazing experience happening in Lubbock or to read more of a book called Death & Co. that was given to me to read by Gardski’s new head chef, Brian.

I know, kind of a morbid name for a book, but since we are all eternal… who really gives a shit? It’s one timeless, endless experience of energetic, infinite expansion…so now the name resonates to me as very cool.

Brian is my new roomate. We moved into a fully furnished (thank you Alicia, Damin) 2 bedroom house very close to Gardski’s restaurant (which we are remodeling), the business district and the Texas Tech campus.

While Brian works on the details of installing the kitchen equipment and creating the menu… Matt, Cody, Damin and I continue the construction alongside restaurant owners Welden and Ann, the building owners (the Skybell brothers) and the sub-contractors.

The thing that I have focused on the most the past few months is practicing “lack of resistance” or as Abraham Hicks calls it “the art of allowing” when it comes to my thoughts.

This is a very simple concept to explain and unusually fun to practice. The blog I wrote “The Envelope” is a perfect example of a seemingly simple manifestation using this technique.

Here is how it works:

If I feel bad or have negative emotions, I am blocking the natural flow of well being to me from God, Source, Infinite Mind, Universe …whatever you want to call the Creator.

If I feel good, excited, energetic, vibrant…positive emotions…then I allow all the good well being and vibration to flow into my experience. That’s it, simple…the Law of Attraction at work.

This practice includes learning to switch from feeling the negative frequency, or the problem…into feeling a frequency that is more positive…where a solution is. Taking the high road.


I left Seattle in March to drive to Lubbock.  As I drove east thru the Snoqualmie Pass in western Washington and began entering eastern Washington, I felt a negative emotion in my solar plex…my gut…”a gut feeling” that didn’t resonate with the soul of who I am…or “with my higher self.”

I had some bud in my car. “Sour Diesel” actually. It’s a strain of sativa… it can be purchased like coffee in Seattle .

There are a couple routes that I can take to Lubbock coming from Seattle. One begins east on I-90 and goes thru Spokane, WA then thru Idaho and Montana … the other route heads southeast thru Yakima, WA, into Oregon then Utah.

Bud is legal in Washington but soon I was going to cross state lines and into illegal territory. And I did not want another episode like I had with the K-9 unit in Utah 2 years ago.

I didn’t know what to do with my bud…a problem arose.

I could feel the negative energy flow.

But instead of remaining on that low, confusing, unsure, fearful, lacking frequency…caused by the contrast that life gives us…I switched to my higher self and switched to thinking thoughts about positive things that I did not have any resistance to (in an attempt to purposefully distract myself) and starting saying phrases and affirmations in my head like…

“its okay, life is good…”

“I have perfect health…”

“things always turn out good for me”

“this trip is exciting…even without bud

“you don’t need bud anyway…”

“you can take it or leave it”

“you usually go months without bud…”

“the bud was given to me anyway…”

As I was starting to feel better, I had the thought “man, just throw your bud out the window, it’s not worth the risk…”

But then a great idea came to me.

The idea was “stash your bud in a jar in the woods and get it when you return in 3 weeks.” Instant clarity.

The Creator worked swiftly to bring a solution and happiness into my reality.

Part of the arrangement  was that I would move to Lubbock to help start the demolition portion on the restaurant and then drive back to Seattle (3 weeks later) for a book release/music show on April 3rd. …one that I had previously booked to perfom with my niece Maddy, at Forza in Gig Harbor WA.

I had 30 miles before I had to decide if I was going to drive east thru Spokane or south thru Yakima on the way to Lubbock.

If I stashed it, then I would have a nice little treat waiting for me when I would return in 3 weeks.

Because I did not know the route I would be taking on the return trip, I brilliantly stashed it in a mutual spot that served all routes…West Nelson Siding Rd. near Cle Elum, WA.

I put my little stash in a jar, along with a lighter and can of Red Bull into the belly of the 5 trees of life, said a blessing, then continued on my journey.

I returned to West Nelson Siding Rd. as planned 3 weeks later…joyous manifestation.

Since learning more of how to stay out of the way of the flow of well being…by doing anything that makes me happy in that moment…good feelings and abundance therefore gain momentum.


Because of a work delay at the restaurant 2 weeks ago…regarding permits…I went on another road trip. Once again, leaving Lubbock and traveling to Seattle.

Without any pre-planning, I got to surprise my mom on Mother’s Day, golfed with one brother 2 times, went hiking by myself,…painted and played pool with my other brother. On top of that, I had the most amazing rendezvous with my son. We got to play golf together for his first time ever playing 18 holes of golf…just days before he went to field training in Alabama…so fun… all random flow of well being.

And to top it all off,  on my return trip to Lubbock from Seattle, not only did my route take me past West Nelson Siding Rd again, but also magically thru the state Colorado!

Who could have planned such a convenience? Infinite wisdom.

I just moved into this new house here in Lubbock last Monday…I previously rented a room from Alicia, Damin’s girlfriend…it was absolutely great and I met so many wonderful people there.

So ya, a turn key fully furnished house with a new roommate who is a pro chef from San Antonio who is cooking up the grinds…and an amazing sports bar called Cap Rock just one block down the street…just like the Engine House Brewery being 1 1/2 blocks away when I was living in Tacoma…and yes, yes yes…ALL of the bartenders are cute. I feel so blessed by so many people.

None of these recent experiences would have happened if I would focused on the problem, which was the job getting temporarily shut down and lack of work.

Just in….while writing this, one of my ex-wives has been texting me about going to Montgomery, Alabama next month in June for my son’s graduation at Maxwell Air Force base…she just booked a room for me.

golfing with Anthony



Death & Co. is a cocktail bar in New York. Their book is very interesting…its a book about building a bar, running a bar and making drinks at a real high level…I’m reading a book about bartending, who woulda guessed.

omg my other ex just texted me…maybe she’ll book my rental car?

The Trail to Texas

“Here you go.” I said as I handed the closing manager a fist full of dollars and a hand full credit card receipts.

“Wow, you had a good night didn’t you?… you made some money” said my boss, in his mid-thirties, from his chair next to the desk.

As I stood next to him in a sweaty black polo, black pants, black Asics running shoes and black waist apron stuffed into my back pocket I responded “Whaat?”

“You are doing a great job…look how high your sales were?” he said.

“Well, …I got lucky with that 8 top…”

Before I could finish, he interupted and said “No man it ain’t luck…keep it up, people are noticing.”

I was surprised and stunned. This was the first job I had ever had working as an employee on payroll. I was hired on as a server at Paradise Grill in Maui October, 2012…well they hired me and trained me from scratch to be a server.

It was a fast learning curve… learning on the run in a very busy, high energy environment that involves food, alcohol and money can be overwhelming. Between having managers override and re-enter my guests orders into the computer in a dark restaurant after losing my reading glasses, charging credit cards to the wrong customers, having zero knowledge of how to split checks and not knowing what the hell a mango mojito is… I was continually having to flag down a manager to fix my errors.

“Yes mam?…what did you say?”

“Maindoe Mohidoe” said the elegant guest with a very heavy accent from the corner of the table.

As I walked around to her chair. I realized she was gorgeous, I wanted to get closer. So I leaned down and said “ I’m sorry, I am not quite sure what you are saying …Maindo.. what?”

“Maindoe Mohidoe” she said again.

I leaned even closer and dipped my knee down towards the floor next to her. As she patiently turned in her chair away from the table and opened up to meet me she said very slowly in a soft sexy voice “Like theeese…maaaaindoe…” As she started to say mojito, our eyes locked and I joined her unison by forming my lips to mirror hers as I said “mohiiiidoe” quietly with her as we finished in harmony.

“Maindoe Mohidoe!” I said with excitement.

“Yes yes!” she said happily

As I turned and dashed towards the bar I realized I could easily fall in love with the women sitting two seats from the corner of the long table that hosted this company party. Wow.

“Kevin…what the hell is a maindoe mohidoe?”

“You mean mango mojito?” said our bartender.

“Yes! one of those please” I said.

“Sorry, we are out of spearmint.” He said.

I went back to the table to tell my guest the bad news and she was very sad. After I purposely replayed of the events upon taking her first order (so I could look into her eyes just one more time) I got her next choice.

On my way back to the bar I crossed paths with the manager on the floor named Damin.

“Dude, check out the woman on the corner of that table over there…hot brah…when she ordered a mango mojito we almost kissed… but then I had to tell her we are out of spearmint…now she’s sad. But I think she’s into me, she’ll come around.”

“We’re not out of spearmint, its in the downstairs bar” he said.

“Nice!” I said.

As I turn to go tell my guest the wonderful news, Damin says “See the owner sitting at the end of the table?…that woman is his wife!”

So ya, getting a compliment from management is hard to forget… knowing someone has your back isn’t bad either.

pic of us away from the restaraunt in Maui, 2012



2 ½ years later, March 2015


“Whats up Jeffrey?…this is Damin. I’m in Lubbock, Texas. I am going to start remodeling a historic restaurant in downtown Lubbock. Ownership is changing. Grass feed beef and organic produce will be featured. The restaurant is going to expand 7 feet into the parking lot making room for a brand new huge bar downstairs. Once the construction is completed I will most likely be involved in the operation of the restaurant…

…does this sound like something you would like to be involved with?”

the good times continue!

(for those following I am in Lubbock, Texas working on the above projects and writing parts to the sequel to The Secret Beast…and what the Law of Attraction is teaching me. Thank you for reading)

The Envelope

I was driving to work thru downtown Lubbock, Texas a few weeks ago. I needed an envelope.

I had been in town for only a short time and except for two blank checks, my home/office (my car) was out of office supplies. I usually pay all of my bills with my phone but on this day I needed to send a check in the mail for a new vehicle insurance policy.

As I was driving that morning I thought “I need one envelope…where am I going to get just one envelope?”

Because of my schedule that day, I did not have any extra time to google and drive around town to try to find an office supply store…and I didn’t want to buy a whole box of envelopes anyway…”hmmm…no worries, I’ll get one somewhere before the end of the day.”

That was all I thought about it and then I let it go.

Thru contrast, by not having an envelope and then needing one, my unconscious request (my prayer) to the universe was made.

Ask and it is given. Humans do this all day long…we don’t even realize it…and if we do, most categorize it as a coincidence.

I went to work and forgot all about my need for an envelope. So basically I did not stress about it at all. And why should I? It is not as if I had a history or a belief system of an assumed “lack” of envelopes. Like “omg…I need an envelope so bad or I’m screwed.” Or, “boy I remember that one time when I didn’t have an envelope when I needed one therefore my payment was late and my insurance policy was cancelled…then I got in an accident without insurance and went to jail.”

I offered no resistance, no fear, no doubt, to my vibrational request. I had no paradigm in place that contradicted my asking. In fact, during the day I had completely forgot about my need for an envelope.

Later that afternoon I left the job.

My usual route is to leave the parking lot and take a right on Broadway, then a right on Q street, then a right on 19th which leads me out of downtown towards my  destination. I take this route everyday.

So… I took a right on Broadway, then a right on Q street. Then something strange happened…I forgot to turn right on 19th.

I kept going on Q street for 31 more blocks!

It wasn’t until I got to 50th street that I realized I had missed my turn!

“Wow Dulley, what the hell are you doing?…no worries just take a right on 50th and head west” I thought to myself.

I took a right on 50th.

As I took a right, a cop started following me. They do that a lot, especially with out of state plates. After a couple blocks I decided to pull over into a commercial parking lot to let him go by…just because.

When I pulled into the parking lot I looked up and noticed that I was at Office Depot. Then I started laughing as I realized what had just happened. I was guided to exactly where I needed to be and because of my lack of doubt, lack of resistance…the manifestation happened within hours of my asking.

I walked into the store and asked an Office Depot team member where the envelopes were located.

As I followed her towards the appropriate aisle, I said “ya know, I really don’t need a whole box…you wouldn’t happen to have just ONE would you?”

“Follow me” she said.

I followed her to the printing dept. where she explained my dilemma to another team member. “This guy wants just one envelope.” she said.

“Okay…here you go…that’ll be 11 cents” said the printer girl.


but now I needed a stamp.


Remodeling Gardski’s restaurant in Lubbock, TX